Remember the Sunlight
by Tukiko K
Summary: When Sasuke returns to Konoha, it's to a village of ghosts. As he soon finds out, there's no rest for the wicked.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own "Naruto"**

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Chapter One – Ghosts of the Clan

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He doesn't have the motivation to move on. And sometimes…sometimes he wishes that he could just go to sleep and never wake up. It would be painless and simple. However, to accomplish such a thing, actually falling asleep is a requirement. He can't remember the last time he slept peacefully. His life is so full of heartache and anger—always taking turns that he is unable to prevent. Just as he was forced by Tsukiyomi to watch his family being slaughtered, he was forced to return to Konoha. He never intended to return—yet here he is.

He sits on the sofa by the window, staring out at the wooden village beneath an overcast sky. The war's been over for almost four weeks, and he's been back for almost two. They have been the longest two weeks of his life. He wonders if the rest of his life will be like this—dull and torturous. It's not that Konoha has treated him poorly; in fact, because of his "heroic" deeds during the war, all charges that were against him were dropped and he reinstated as a Konoha shinobi. And, it's not even that there's nothing to do in Konoha. With all the rebuilding going on, there's plenty to do to keep one occupied. It's just…he no longer knows what his purpose is. He used to be driven by goals, by revenge, by the need for truth, and by justice. But now, he has none of those things to keep him going.

It wasn't so long ago that he had wanted to destroy Konoha.

"When you were foolish," Itachi says.

Sasuke glares at his brother. "Disappear."

But Itachi doesn't disappear. He remains at Sasuke's left shoulder, his lips tugged down by a frown. Sasuke knows he won't be left in peace, but it doesn't change the disappointment he feels. It's been this way since Itachi used his Izanami and stopped Kabuto. Even though Itachi's physical body returned to dust and his soul finally given rest, his presence still haunts Sasuke. Sasuke knows that his brother is dead, along with all the other Uchiha, but the knowledge doesn't stop him from seeing them…all of them. He sees the ghosts of the clan nearly every day. It's absolute torture.

He looks at Itachi for a moment longer, disgust swirling in rivulets through his stomach, making him queasy. Looking away, he tries to forget that the specter is lingering where it's unwelcome. Sometimes he wonders if there's something wrong with him. His sanity can't be in proper condition…sane people don't see—imagine—dead people. The thought occurs to him more often than he would like, accompanied hand-in-hand with the knowledge that he should see a doctor. But Sasuke still has his pride.

He lays his arms on the back of the couch and rests his chin on them, balefully staring out. He hates how the weather seems to mimic his mood. Normally, he likes rain and lightning—especially lighting. Today, he feels himself falling apart. The edges are slipping and he doesn't know how to reel it in. He doesn't know how to get over his past and look to the future. As far as he can see, there is nothing bright waiting for him, just the never ending emptiness that he feels.

_I wish you had killed me, Itachi, _Sasuke thinks with a sigh. _There's nothing for me here._

There's a twitch at the corner of Sasuke's left eye and he yawns. The awareness at the edge of his mind is starting to become fuzzy and he wouldn't mind falling asleep. It's been a long time and he is so tired. His eyes are heavy and itch; he would rub them if he weren't so comfortable. So he closes his eyes and waits for sleep to pull his consciousness away.

He waits a long time. It seems that sleep is just as reluctant to visit during the day as it is during the night. He's aggravated, but not enough to move or open his eyes. If he just waits long enough, stays still long enough, his body will become bored and his mind with get caught off guard. He's determined to sleep.

A light knocking sounds at his apartment door. He grimaces. Clenching his eyes tighter, he is intent on ignoring the soft knocking, but it persists. Growling, Sasuke roughly gets to his feet and opens the door ready to yell at whoever decided to interrupt his attempt at sleeping. However, he's put a little off kilter seeing Sakura standing in his doorway, half-soaked and smiling at him.

"Sakura, why are you here?"

"Um…" she seems to not really have an answer. "Naruto has a pretty nasty bug, so I thought I'd come to make sure you were healthy."

Sasuke's eyebrow rises, unconvinced by her reason.

She huffs. "So I'm not allowed to check up on my friends?"

Sasuke hasn't thought of them as friends in over three years and he's not sure if he can start again.

"I brought cookies," she says in a last attempt.

"I don't like sweets—"

"I know!" she blushes. "I just…thought you might like some company once in a while."

Sasuke stares at her for a moment. He was just about to fall asleep…no, he wasn't, but he'd been trying to. No, he doesn't really want company, at least not hers, but he doesn't really see anyone else offering either. He is lonely. He would rather sleep. He doesn't like her…well, rather he's indifferent to her. Though, thinking about it, he can't really see a risk in spending this one afternoon with her. It's not like she's proclaiming everlasting love or looking at him with star-crossed eyes. He knows there's no harm in allowing her inside. And who knows, maybe he'll enjoy the change in activity. He doubts it, but he'll never know if he doesn't give it a chance. Besides, seeing someone other than Itachi might help him keep his wits about him.

He slowly steps aside. "Come in," he mumbles.

She smiles and walks past him. The brush of air that follows her reminds Sasuke that he is among the living and he's not sure how he feels about it.

"Do you mind if I make tea?" Sakura asks happily.

"Uh…sure," he replies uncertainly.

It's odd that Sakura is so…comfortable around him. It seems it was only last week that she was avoiding him like the plague. And now, she's bustling about his kitchen as if it's her own. Funny how she knows exactly where he keeps the kettle and tea. He wonders what made Sakura come visit him today…the real reason.

Itachi stands over Sakura's shoulder, watching as she makes tea. "She seems nice," he says to Sasuke.

He rolls his eyes. There's an ulterior motive. There has to be.

After a few moments of dreadful silence, the kettle steams with a whistle and the tea is soon in cups in their hands. Sakura sips hers carefully and Sasuke watches her.

"You have good taste in tea, Sasuke-kun."

His heart aches at the sound of his name on her lips. It's a familiar sound, but too many years and bad memories tarnishes it.

"You look tired," she continues. "You are getting sick, aren't you?"

"She's right, you look terrible," Itachi agrees.

"Go away."

"I-I'm sorry." Sakura frowns. "Did I say something wrong?"

Sasuke looks up, startled to realize he spoke to Itachi aloud. "No," he replies hastily, his eyes narrowing.

Sakura looks down into her tea and Sasuke feels like he's the one who spoke out of turn. He's not used to other people being around while Itachi haunts him. His eyes dart around the room, trying to look at anything but Sakura. He breathes heavily.

"Why are you here, Sakura?"

"I…thought I already told you."

"No." He looks straight at her, catching her nervous gaze. "The real reason."

Sakura chews on her lower lip a moment and then sighs in defeat. "I want to start over. Be friends. We were never _really_ friends. I guess we were as close as we could have been…considering the circumstances." She laughs nervously and averts her gaze again. Sasuke realizes that she's still scared of him. "After what you've been through—what we've been through—I think you need a friend. So…I want to forget all the bad that's between us and just have a new start, Sasuke-kun."

He looks down. "Don't call me that."

Sakura's lip quivers.

"Sasuke-kun is the boy you knew. He's been gone for a long time."

She bites her lip and nods. "Okay," she whispers.

"I'm not sorry for the things I've done," he says, looking into her liquid-green eyes. "Can you accept that?"

Her brow furrows and he thinks that her heart must be breaking. "I still love you. Can _you_ accept that?"

Sasuke clenches his jaw. He can't accept it—Sakura's love. He doesn't deserve it and he doesn't want it. Accepting her love would bear consequences that he isn't ready to deal with. Hope. Sakura can't be given the hope that he'll return her feelings one day; it would only cause her more grief. Sasuke wonders, though, what it'll do to their potential friendship if he refuses to accept her feelings. Will she rescind her offer?

He crosses his arms across his chest and looks at her long and hard. "I'll do as I've always done and tolerate it. You have to promise you won't expect me to return your feelings."

Sakura's nostrils flare as she breathes deep. "I promise," she says reluctantly.

He tilts his head in approval.

Sakura smiles cheekily. "Then it's settled. We're friends."

Sasuke smirks a little. "Aa."

.

Sakura didn't stay too much longer after their conversation, which Sasuke is thankful for. He still isn't sure how he feels about her visit. Is it progress what he agreed to today? Is it foolishness? He worked so hard to break the bonds with his ex-teammates, yet here he is, allowing those bonds to be reformed. He wonders if Sakura will be true to her word and expect nothing romantic from him. It's the moments that he is being stalked by crazy fangirls or breaking hearts unintentionally that he wishes he had a plain appearance. Curse the genes of the Uchiha.

"One day, when you realize that you need a girl in order to further your plans, you'll be grateful," Itachi comments.

"Tch. Whatever."

Sasuke continues to wash his dishes in silence, again trying to ignore his brother's presence. Itachi's not really there. Sasuke knows that, but it's hard to ignore what he can see and feel and hear. When it's just him and Itachi in the apartment, he wonders if he really did see Itachi die. It's so easy to forget that the man with him is a ghost. He seems so lifelike and real—more real than the others in his life. It was when there were others around that Sasuke sees how dead Itachi really is. He can't compare to the living and the living can't see him.

Itachi can't act independently. He seems to follow Sasuke around without a purpose. That's why Sasuke wonders if he's not a real ghost, but an image conjured up by his own mind. It makes sense to him, but Itachi scoffs at the thought.

Feeling drained and suffering from a headache, Sasuke decides to turn in for the night. Maybe sleep will be his second visitor of the day. Of course, Sasuke seems to be wrong a lot lately. He lies in bed for hours waiting for the bliss of sleep that never comes. His mind is restless. Thousands of broken images flash across his eyes, memories that refuse to remain buried call his attention to them, and the sound of voices fill his ears. While his eyes are closed, his brain is on overdrive. So he opens his eyes just to make the chaos stop and it does…but only while his eyes are open.

The sound of running water reaches Sasuke's ears…and humming. He recognizes the faint sound easily and dread fills his stomach. Slowly, after rubbing his eyes, he gets to his feet and travels down the short hallway until he finds himself standing in the kitchen. His gaze is brought to the sink where a woman with long black hair works cheerfully. Sasuke folds his arms over his chest and leans against the wall. It's been a while since this visitor has come.

"Mom," he whispers.

She turns and smiles brightly. "Looks like you forgot one, Sasuke-kun."

He smiles. "I washed them all."

"Go finish your homework before you play with Itachi."

A strain appears in Sasuke's mouth and his smile disappears. His mother can't hear him or see him—they can't interact. This is why Sasuke will always prefer his head illusion, Itachi, to the real ghosts. She only brings him grief.

He turns his back to the ghost of his mother and bows his head. He hopes Itachi doesn't notice the tears gathering in his eyes—the tears that Sasuke pretends he's not crying.

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**A/N: **I wasn't supposed to publish this until Sunday, but I just couldn't resist. I'm excited about this story. It's my first post-war could be canon type story and I'm really passionate about the plot that I've come up with. It is inspired by the poem _Apology for Bad Dreams_ by Robinson Jeffers. As usual, this started out as a one-shot for SSM's prompt Ghost, but has evolved into the 10 chaptered fic I have planned. I do hope you enjoy.

And as always, thanks to the ever wonderful wingedmercury for being an awesome beta.

.

As a final note, this is going to be the last of my multichaps for a while. I will be updating the three stories (_We Are Extinct_,_ The Art of Breaking_, and_ Remember the Sunlight_) on a rotation by publish order. You can expect the next chapter of _We Are Extinct_ sometime within the next two weeks. Thank you for being awesome readers and for reviewing.


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own "Naruto"**

Chapter Two – Crouching in the Night

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Sasuke stares at the mug of black coffee in his hand. He hates coffee. He doesn't know why he's even attempting to stay awake; after all, his body hasn't gotten rest in the last few weeks. He sighs.

"You awake yet, Jerkface?"

Sasuke doesn't even acknowledge his blond teammate, it might get his hopes up and Sasuke doesn't want to do that.

"Sasuke?"

He breathes heavily through his nose, still staring at his coffee.

"Dude, Sasuke, what's wrong?"

Chakra starts tingling in Sasuke's free hand.

"Stop pestering him, Naruto," Sakura says, and Naruto does.

Sasuke's eyes briefly flicker up from his coffee to meet Sakura's jade ones. She doesn't smile, she just gives him that look—that look that implies she knows his secrets; that look that implies she knows he's suffering and that she's there for him, if he needs her. He hates that look. He returns his gaze to the black liquid turning cold and stagnant in his grasp.

"Awww, man! Why is it always like this?" Naruto whines. "Doesn't Kakashi-sensei realize this is our first time training together since Team Seven's been reassembled?"

"For which I am very grateful to be included in," Sai says with that dumb smile on his face.

"We're glad you came, Sai," Sakura says happily before turning her attention to Naruto. "You! Stop being impatient. You know that Sensei visits the memorial every morning. He'll get here when he gets here."

The banter of Team Seven is so reminiscent of their early days from so many years ago. Sasuke finds it annoying, or that's what he tells himself in order to retain as much dignity as he can. He feels like he's losing sight of who he is, or maybe who he's supposed to be. He doesn't know. What he does know is that he doesn't like not knowing. He used to always be three steps ahead of everything and now…well, he's lucky if he's keeping pace with everyone else. His mind is such a mess and he knows it's only getting worse.

Itachi leans over his brother's shoulder, his ghostly form a cold breeze against Sasuke's skin, and says, "Sasuke, you haven't touched your coffee."

He turns the mug over and dumps the foul drink. He imagines the grass wilting upon contact and he's amused.

"Such a morbid mind," Itachi frowns.

Sasuke looks up to see the rest of Team Seven watching him oddly. "What?" he snaps.

The appearance of Kakashi interrupts whatever remark Naruto was about to spit out, for which Sasuke is extremely relieved.

"Sorry I'm late," Kakashi starts, but doesn't get the chance to finish.

"We know, Sensei," Sakura says gently. "You don't have to make any excuses."

The silver-haired jounin smiles at his sole female student—former student, Sasuke thinks.

"You always were bright, Sakura." He looks the group over and his eyes sparkle with emotion. "It's been…a long time," he says and his voice is especially gravelly. "I can't believe how far you've all come. I—I'm proud of you."

Sasuke's chest tightens with something akin to happiness, which he hasn't felt in many years. No sooner does it come then he is trying to stomp it down. The copynin has no reason to be proud of him. He's a killer and a traitor and a coward. There's nothing in him to be proud of. His eyes narrow.

He glances at the other members of the team. Naruto is grinning like an idiot, just like Sai. Sakura, however, looks like she's fighting back tears. He rolls his eyes.

"So sentimental," Itachi intones. "I don't remember Kakashi ever letting his emotions show. You're similar to him in that way."

Sasuke scoffs and again the eyes of his teammates turn on him. Sakura's teary eyes are narrowed at him and he almost feels ashamed.

Kakashi clears his throat and stands up straighter. "Anyway, Yamato won't be joining us today. As much as he wanted to be here, he was called away for a mission."

"Man, that makes the sparring teams short one," Naruto says.

"No worries. I'll sit out," Kakashi replies with what seems to be a smile. "I'll ref while you guys duke it out."

Naruto leans over to Sasuke and whispers, "Yeah right. More like he'll be reading that smut of his."

Sasuke smirks at the comment. So Kakashi is still as perverted as ever. Nice to know some things never change.

"Are we picking partners or are we being assigned?" Sakura asks.

Sasuke glances at her with narrowed eyes and wishes she had kept her mouth shut.

Kakashi puts a finger to his chin and pretends to think about that for a moment. "Hmm…pick partners or assigned partners? Which to choose?"

Sakura's face turns grim with irritation as Kakashi mocks her.

"Actually," Kakashi says, looking at them with mischief in his eyes. "I was thinking group sparring, but—" he raises his finger "—we're gonna have an experiment."

"What do you mean by _experiment_?" Sakura asks through her teeth.

"It's going to be three against one," he answers with glee.

Sakura's eyes shoot a nervous look at Sasuke for just a second, but he catches the look and he knows exactly what she's thinking. She's afraid it'll be him against the rest of Team Seven. She thinks it'll hurt the fragile bonds they've regained. She thinks he'll lose and that it'll hurt his pride—okay, so maybe she's not so concerned about that, he doesn't know. However, _he thinks_ her concern is misplaced.

"Naruto!"

"Yes, sir, Kakashi-sensei?"

"You're it."

Naruto's grin reveals every tooth in his mouth and a fire lights up his eyes. "So it's ninja tag, huh?" He turns to the others of the Team. "You guys better start running."

Naruto pounces at the person closest to him, who happens to be Sasuke. Sasuke, seeing the intended tackle a mile away, dodges with ease. It only takes a few back handsprings and he's way out of the dobe's reach. He straightens his back and watches as Sakura jumps into a tree and Sai takes to the sky on his inked bird. And then Naruto's sights are back on him. Fantastic.

"What's wrong, little brother? Don't think you can take him?" Itachi asks.

"As if," Sasuke replies, his eyes narrowed.

Naruto runs at him with a challenge in his eyes and a smirk that displays his enormous ego.

Sasuke's mind goes on auto-pilot as he runs forward to meet Naruto in battle. Fighting Naruto is as natural as anything else in the world, as if fate intended them to exist in opposition. Sasuke knows that Naruto is the only one who will ever be able to defeat him, just as he is the only one who could ever defeat Naruto. In the recesses of his mind, Sasuke wonders if this is why the others haven't joined in the fight yet.

Their battle is intense, as they always are, filled with emotions that can only be expressed through fists flying and guttural growls. Soon it morphs from the sparring of teammates to the battle of bitter rivals. Sasuke is sweating and he finds pleasure in every hit he lands on Naruto. They haven't fought like this since their battle at the Valley of the End, before they joined forces to defeat Tobi.

"Don't you think you're taking this a little too far?" Itachi asks with worry in his eyes.

Sasuke snarls. He can see Naruto beginning to doubt the fight. His attacks are lacking confidence and he blocks with desperation. There's anger and maybe even fear lurking in those blue eyes of his. Sasuke feels empowered. With a menacing smirk, he pulls back his fist and throws it full force at Naruto—

Itachi shakes his head, eyes downcast.

—Sasuke's eyes have gone wide and he begins to shake with guilt. Sakura stands before him panting and his fist caught in her iron-grip hand.

"Sasuke," she whispers and he wonders if she is appalled.

Her hand softens around his, fingers that were pressing too hard, now gentle. The touch is like ice. He doesn't deserve her gentleness and, with sorrow spreading through him, he realizes he doesn't deserve her friendship either. He yanks his hand free of hers and ignores the throbbing in his bones. Sakura's gaze is full of questions that he can't answer in his current state of instability, so he turns his back on her. As he begins to walk away from the training grounds, he fights the urge to claw off his ears because he can't ignore the concerned calls of his teammates…or Itachi's silence.

Sasuke makes it all the way to Market Street without someone coming after him. They must've decided it was best to give him some time and space. He doesn't think he'll ever get enough time or space to heal. Looking over at Itachi, Sasuke is annoyed to see that his brother is still refusing to speak to him. Itachi must be mad that his little brother didn't listen to him. Sasuke never listens to Itachi, but more than ever, he wishes Itachi would talk. Being on the receiving end of a ghost's cold shoulder is disheartening—it makes Sasuke feel very alone.

Walking through the village, Sasuke sees a lot of them—shinobi who didn't survive the war. They wander about what used to be their daily lives and don't realize that they can't be seen by anyone but him. He wishes he were among those who don't see the ghosts. They remind him daily of the evil he allowed to take root in his heart. Every ghost he sees is a life he helped destroy—a life he took. Perhaps he didn't do it directly, but he'd chosen the side that was guilty. He'd chosen Madara—no, Tobi.

Sasuke scowls. He hates his life and what he's done with it. All the lies he's been led to believe swirl around his head, taunting him. The lies he believed are what got him where he is now…alone, hurting, and paranoid. He can admit that easily enough to himself, but he'll never speak of his insecurities aloud. No one can save him.

Emptiness awaits him when he walks through the door into his dark apartment. More silence. It seems to be in abundance today. He removes his shoes by the door and sulks as he makes his way to the couch. From the shadows, Itachi silently watches him with his glowing red eyes—the eyes that shouldn't be there because they sit in Sasuke's head. The whole thing is sickening: that his brother is watching him with the eyes Sasuke stole; that Itachi has already died twice and yet he's still here; that Sasuke wishes Itachi would stay dead; that he misses his brother's commentary on his life; that he wishes he could hear his mother's singing instead of the silence. It's all wrong.

Sasuke runs his fingers through his black hair. He can't take the silence.

"Why won't you say anything?" he mumbles, but there is no reply. He glances over his shoulder. "Huh? No answer? Don't you think you've made your point?" He leans his elbows on his legs and props his head in his hands. "You warned me—you're disappointed in me." Sasuke gets to his feet and turns toward his brother. "You have _no right_ to be disappointed. _Everything I am is because of you!_" he screams. His face contorts with anger when Itachi still says nothing. "I came back, just like you wanted! WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?"

Itachi closes his eyes and sighs. "You didn't come back for me. You didn't even come back for yourself."

Sasuke breathes heavily as he attempts to regain his composure, but he can't because he knows that Itachi is right. Instead, he turns away from his brother and goes to his room where he can seethe in peace. He knows he's become a coward, always running away, always hiding, but it's second nature now and he doesn't know if can or even wants to change.

He crouches in the corner by his bedside wondering why he allowed so many people to play god with his life. He was supposed to be the one in control, that's how it'd always been…or so he'd thought. Now he realizes that he never was in control. He played perfectly into the hands of so many corrupt people as if he were a mere puppet.

Night falls and he hasn't moved. He rests his head against the wall and his eyes are shut, but he is still awake and fully aware that Itachi is still absent. Perhaps his words had an effect on the ghost after all, but then the doorknob turns and Sasuke smirks. Of course Itachi wouldn't leave him for long.

"Sasuke."

Sasuke's eyes snap open. "What are you doing here, Sakura?" he asks hoarsely. Standing slowly, he fights a wince at the objections his joints are screaming. "Just because I agreed to be your friend doesn't mean you can come to my house in the middle of the night."

Sakura's pink eyebrow rises. "It's ten in the morning, Sasuke."

He doesn't reply, but simply goes to the window and opens the black curtain. He squints as a beam of light pierces the darkness of his bedroom. He must have lost track of time. It's hard to believe he sat in his bedroom through the entire day and well into the next. Turning back to Sakura, he frowns.

"You didn't answer me," he says tersely.

Sakura's gaze softens. "I was worried about you."

Sasuke looks away from her and his frown deepens. "You should be more worried about Naruto…or yourself," he adds as an afterthought. "I could have hurt you."

"Is that your way of apologizing?"

Sasuke casts a sideways glance at her, glaring when he sees her blush.

She instantly sobers. "I can handle myself, and Naruto—" she smiles a little "—he'll get over it." She takes a step closer to Sasuke and places a hand on his arm. "Will you be able to get over it?"

Sasuke wants to throw her out of his room, but he promised himself he would try to be her friend. Instead, he removes her hand from his arm and leads her to the living room couch. They both sit. He feels uncomfortable under her watchful gaze, but there's something he has to get off his chest.

"Do you know why I betrayed Tobi?"

Sakura smiles. "Because it was the right thing to do."

Sasuke looks at her with dark eyes. "No. I betrayed Tobi because he lied to me. He used me and I wanted revenge."

The hopeful look in Sakura's eyes disappears and she swallows. "It doesn't matter why you changed sides, Sasuke. It won the war. We have peace now because of you." She takes his hand. "You're home now and that's all that matters to me."

His eyes narrow. "I didn't return to Konoha because it's home," he says quietly. "I returned to enact my revenge upon the Council. Tsunade has done what she promised and revealed all the lies they spun, but this place isn't home."

Tears gather in Sakura's eyes, but she blinks them away, attempting to be strong. "Will you always be seeking revenge? Isn't there anyone you trust?"

He looks down at their hands, hers is small and delicate against his larger, rougher hand. He realizes this is the second time she's held his hand and he thinks that she's breaking her promise. Anger stirs in him for a moment, until he hears Itachi's voice.

"She knows you don't feel the same for her. She just wants you to know that she's here, like a friend is supposed to be."

Sasuke stares at their hands and the anger subsides. He lifts his gaze and looks her in the eye. "You've never lied to me. I trust _you_."

* * *

**A/N: **Here is your update. Thanks, wingedmercury, for being an amazing beta!

Also...a status update. Because this summer has been so rediculously busy, I am sadly behind on my writing. I had an incident last week that kept me off the computer and honestly, I'm just behind on everything. I'll be updating _We Are Extinct_ next, but I have to finish the chapter first...so...not sure when it'll be up.

Until next time...peace.


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto**

* * *

Chapter Three – Beside the Ghost of a Fire

* * *

"You've never lied to me. I trust _you_."

Sasuke almost wishes he hadn't said it. He made Sakura promise she wouldn't expect him to return her feelings, but now he's making it difficult for her. It seems impossible for her not to misinterpret his meaning. He thinks he should say something more, that he trusts Naruto and Kakashi as well, but his mouth has gone dry and he's already been quiet for too long.

He sees the pleasant surprise melt out of Sakura's eyes. Guilt makes her eyes glimmer and her jaw works as if she's biting her cheeks. Sasuke thinks he knows what she's thinking and is unnerved by how often he's been trying to read her mind lately.

"No," she finally says. "I did lie to you."

Sasuke frowns and she takes this as a cue to continue.

"When I came to you on the bridge in Iron Country, I told you that I wanted to follow you…that I would do anything you asked. When you asked if I was willing to betray Konoha, I said yes. Everything—it was." She sighs. "I was so desperate for you to come home…I think I would have said anything to gain your trust."

When Sasuke hears this, his mind starts to race through all the words Sakura has ever said. Are they all lies? He instantly thinks back to when they were twelve, when Sakura said she loved him. Was _that_ a lie? He is suddenly hot from the anger building inside him.

"When you told me to kill Karin, I couldn't do it. I think you knew I was lying and that's why you attacked me," Sakura continues. "I told you what I thought you wanted to hear."

Sasuke pulls his hand away from Sakura's and she flinches.

"You think I wanted you to betray your village?" Sasuke asks, incredulous. "You think I wanted you to abandon your friends and family—to share my darkness? You think _I wanted that_?"

"Sasuke," she whispers, brow furrowed and eyes glinting with unshed tears.

He lifts his hand and massages his temples as a headache starts to form. Sighing, he looks at her from the corner of his eye. "Did you really think telling me you would betray Konoha would make me trust you?" Sakura says nothing. "If anything, that's what made me suspicious. The Sakura I've come to know would never betray her village…no matter how much she claims loves me."

"And yet, I still lied to you."

Sasuke smirked. "You were never good at lying."

Sakura's mouth parts and she looks very confused. "So…because I'm a terrible liar…I'm easy to trust," she says slowly.

Sasuke thinks that it sounds horrible out loud. "Well—"

"That's not really trust, Sasuke!" Her eyes harden and an angry blush reddens her face. "Trust is having faith in—"

"Having faith in and relying on someone else," Sasuke finishes for her. "I know what trust is, Sakura."

The change in Sakura's eyes tell him that the blush on her cheeks is no longer from anger. He looks away and scratches the back of his head, suddenly nervous.

"Just give in, little brother," Itachi says with a small smirk. "You know you like her."

Sasuke glares at Itachi. He does not like her, not in _that _way. He would set Itachi straight if Sakura weren't sitting right beside him—not that he cares about her feelings, but because he doesn't want to appear crazy. As it is, Sakura seems to have noticed the change in his mood. He can feel her eyes boring into him and he has to fight not to fidget in front of her. For whatever reason, she unnerves him.

"I think it's time for you to go," Sasuke says lowly, feeling uncomfortable.

"Sasuke—"

"Don't," he says, avoiding her disappointed eyes. "I don't want you to get any…_ideas_. You should go."

Sakura's eyes blaze and her lips turn so thin that the color drains from them. The disappointment is gone, replaced instead by fury.

"Smooth," Itachi comments with a sigh.

"You don't want me to get any_ ideas_?" Sakura says through her teeth.

Sasuke prepares himself for a verbal thrashing, knowing that Sakura doesn't have the will to do him bodily harm. His whole body tenses. He might feel guilty if she weren't reacting so defensively, proving him wise for being cautious. Sakura, however, says nothing more and the anger fades to something much more civil—something resigned. She looks defeated and the guilt Sasuke was denying suddenly crashes over him like a wave, submerging him and making him acutely aware of the thudding of his heart in his throat.

Sakura doesn't meet his eyes. "Take care of yourself, Sasuke," she whispers.

She stands and swiftly makes her exit, though she is careful that the door doesn't slam behind her. Sasuke remains in his seat, stunned at her quick and nearly painless departure. He was expecting much more of a guilt trip from her, or maybe a few dark bruises on his arm, but certainly not this. She didn't even defend herself.

"You could have been a little gentler," Itachi says as he sits beside Sasuke.

Sasuke doesn't even scoff at the idea. "Gentler," he muses.

"Yes, it's a concept you aren't very familiar with, isn't it?" Itachi's brow furrows as he watches his little brother. "She means well."

Sasuke looks at the ghostly image of his brother. "She doesn't know when to back off."

Itachi laughs a low, knowing chuckle. "If that were so, she wouldn't have left." He offers a consoling smile. "That was goodbye, Sasuke."

He frowns. "What do you mean?"

"Sakura-chan intends to give you space. She can see that's what you want."

Sasuke clenches his teeth. Is that what he wants—space? When he was younger, that would have been obvious by his reluctance to open up to his teammates. Now, he remains a recluse because of his past. He doesn't want a reason to hurt anyone—he doesn't want anyone to hurt him. That's always what it has been: the fear of being hurt, of feeling so much pain and sorrow that he can't live. In fact, he isn't living now. He's existing in a sort of breathing death; he is cold to those around him, yet he's terrifyingly aware of ghosts. He doesn't want to be shut off from friendship and love, but he's terrified of them at the same time.

"You don't realize it, do you?" Itachi asks softly.

"What?" Sasuke concedes, feeling tired.

"Without them, you are nothing."

Sasuke looks up with narrowed eyes. "I've done everything I set out to do. Can't I just die in peace?"

A single tear rolls down Itachi's face. "You are so young, just eighteen…you shouldn't be so eager for death."

"You sought it out," Sasuke snaps.

Itachi casts him a withering glare. "Sasuke, I will say this only once," he says, stern. "You have the chance to live—don't waste it. Right now, you are merely the ghost of a fire that once burned fiercely. Rekindle that fire. Be what the Uchiha were known and respected for."

Sasuke stares at his brother with burning eyes. Everything in Sasuke's vision is evanescent; everything is cast in a pallor from his gloomy existence, everything except his brother who seems more real than anything else. Perhaps Itachi is right. Sasuke is becoming nothing—already is nothing. As of late, the only joy he's gotten was from the exchanging of fists with Naruto, and that got completely out of hand. Maybe he needs to get out more—no, forget it. He can't stand interacting with stupid people and his list of stupid people is very, _very_ long.

"How, exactly, do I do that?" he asks Itachi, suspicious.

"Yes, how does one with your distaste of social interaction achieve this?" Itachi muses with a small smile. Sasuke's eye twitches.

"You weren't exactly a social butterfly," he retorts.

"Perhaps not…but even I had a lover."

Sasuke scrunches his face for a moment and then shakes his head to remove the images concocted by his brother's words. Itachi merely chuckles.

"However, back to the point," Itachi says, his smile fading away. "If you really want to enjoy life again and become a great Uchiha, you are going to have to start small. For starters, you might consider apologizing to Sakura-chan."

"Why should I apologize?" Sasuke narrows his eyes and he can feel the resistance in him taking hold again.

"Because you don't want to lose her friendship. She's a powerful ally to have."

Sakura certainly is strong, but powerful? Sasuke isn't so sure. He casts a doubtful look at Itachi, but Itachi's smile just makes him rethink who Sakura is. Her skill in medical jutsu rivals Tsunade, making her a prodigy in her own right, and her chakra control has always been better than his and Naruto's. These two skills alone have resulted in her becoming a very well-known and respected Kunoichi. Perhaps she is powerful. He doesn't exactly know her skill in combat, however, since he's never had a proper battle or spar with her. Perhaps she would agree to a match.

Sasuke suddenly realizes what he was considering as if waking from a bad dream. He moans as he looks at Itachi, a niggling feeling tells him that his brother is right. How he hates that! Why is he even taking advice from a dead man? What would a dead man know about living? And Itachi just watches him with those shrewd eyes, as if he can hear everything Sasuke is thinking. And Sasuke hates it. He hates knowing that his brother—his _dead_ brother!—is right.

"Go," Itachi prompts.

Sasuke abruptly stands and strides toward the door.

"And invite Naruto for ramen," Itachi adds as Sasuke shuts the door.

.

A few hours later and still no sign of Sakura, Sasuke is starting to lose patience. It's about lunch time, so he decides to go to the market to look for her. The market is crowded and many aromas fill the air, some of which make Sasuke's stomach rumble with hunger. He realizes that he hasn't eaten since…well, he doesn't know how long it's been. He'd attempted coffee yesterday morning and after the fiasco that was training, he went straight home without getting a bite to eat. Perhaps he would grab some food before finding Sakura—that issue could wait, couldn't it? Besides, he didn't even know where she was. She really must've been mad at him.

The lines on Sasuke's face deepen, his eyes are now narrower and his jaw locks. He doesn't want to apologize to Sakura. He knows that he was insensitive, but when has he ever held his punches? Why should he start now?

A little girl pushes past him—through him—and he shivers at the chill that races through his bones. Her giggles are like shrieks in his ears and he clenches his eyes, fighting the force pulling his clawing hands to his ears. He knows that if he gives in to his horror, he'll be locked up for being insane, poked and prodded by doctors, and given special medications to combat depression and hallucinations. No one will ever know that the great Uchiha Sasuke is fighting a losing battle. They don't know how he broke when Tobi revealed the "truth" to him—no one needs to know. Only Team Seven knows what happened, and Sasuke wishes that they didn't. Sakura was there to witness his madness, yet she still seeks and treasures his friendship.

Sasuke slowly opens his eyes. The little ghost is gone, vanished without a trace, her giggles no longer echoing in his skull. Instead, he sees a flash of bright pink hair just ahead at a dango stand. Knowing only one person with that shade of hair color, Sasuke makes his way over to her with determined steps. Itachi is right, he wants Sakura's friendship. She is one of the few people who will always accept him no matter his trespasses.

"Matarashi dango, please," Sakura says with forced cheer.

Sasuke makes it to her just as she's paying the tender. He jams his hand down into his pocket and pulls out some money, thrusting it at the tender. Sakura turns to look at him with wide eyes.

"Sasuke?"

He continues to look at the tender. "It's on me."

The tender smiles and takes the money without question and hands Sakura her dango. Sasuke takes Sakura by the elbow and leads her away from the stand, before releasing her arm and turning to stare at her.

"What's gotten into you, Sasuke?" she asks. "You're acting very strange. First you tell me to leave and now you're paying for my food? I'm confused."

"I want to spar."

Sakura steps back in surprise. "What?"

He sighs in exasperation. "I—want—to—spar," he says slowly and clearly. "With you," he adds.

Sakura is stunned. Her mouth opens and closes as if she's looking for the words, but when she finds none, she promptly stuffs her mouth with one of the dango. Sasuke is amused by her behavior and smirks. Her cheeks turn pink and she turns away from him, walking slowly down the street. Sasuke joins her and falls into step with ease.

"HEY! GUYS!"

Sasuke cringes at Naruto's voice. Instantly, Sasuke realizes that his plans are ruined.

* * *

**A/N:** Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Worked real hard on it.

Thanks as always to Wingedmercury for being incredable!

See ya'll next time!


	4. A Final Goodbye AUTHOR'S NOTE

Dearest loyal and amazing readers,

This actually is rather sad for me to say, but due to some major changes in my life, I will no longer be a part of the Fanfiction community. The stories I've been writing will not be updated or finished and, by this time two weeks from now, I will sign off forever. I'm sorry about this sudden change of events, but at the same time…I'm not because it's what's best for me right now. There is so much going on in my life, I ask that you will remember me and, if you are the praying type, that you will pray for me.

If someone ever asks me, I will never deny that Fanfiction was a joy. I learned so much about myself as a writer and improved vastly. I met wonderful people and made great friends. And as an author, it is such a joy and exciting thing to hear from my readers and connect with you. Fanfiction has been a blessing for me.

I leave this last author's note and promise that I will reply to anyone who has questions or concerns, or goodbyes. Just know, that I will never stop writing. If you want to stay connected with me and my writing, you can find me on wordpress, tumblr, twitter, and facebook. See my profile for the links, or you can ask me for them.

I'm deeply thankful for everything Fanfiction and you, my readers, have done for me. I ask that God bless you in your lives.

Sincerely,

Tukiko K

Cynthia


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